1. 20 Feb


    Fire and Stone (Oxford) - Pizza’s representing the cities of: San Sebastian, Capetown, Texas and Canberra. - £30 On Saturday I went on a day trip to Oxford. To escape the dredge and pull of London at the weekend we boarded a train and shot out of Paddington’s arse and into the slightly overcast horizon. Oxfords lovely, but thats obvious. When it came to pre last train dinner time it was however a far more different situation. We had plumped to dine at  a Jamie’s Italian, but the que was down the street! So our other attempt was at Gourmet Burger Kitchen… same deal! But over the road was a rather large, rather weird looking Pizza place. On entering it feels like some sort of Belgian hostel, with zainy signage on the walls and photo stock images of “the world” pasted up here and there. After waiting 20 minutes for a seat we were told by our waitress (Victoria) that “… Fire and Stone do pizza’s with a twist!”. The blood left my face and I sat there frozen with fear. Anywhere that deems it important to describe its food as having a “twist” needs to pipe down. I really REALLY wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Then I saw a ‘specials’ menu infront of me that described one pizza as having a “gravy and mint sauce base”. Once more…..”A GRAVY AND MINT SAUCE BASE!” Oh no… The pizzas are categorized via continent, you can travel from Africa to Asia in but a few bites. Here’s the roll call: From Europe ‘San Sebastian’ - Mozza, spicy chorizo, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, red peppers and aoili. From Africa ‘Capetown’ - Mozza, spicy pepperoni, spicy ground beef, green chillies, basil and oregano. From Australasia ‘Canberra’ - Mozza, roast chicken, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, cherry toms, olives, crushed macadamia nuts. And finally from America ‘Texas’ - BBQ sauce, mozza, BBQ rump steak, roasted red onion, roast mushrooms, sun-dried tomato salsa. We divided these 4 plates of national pride into quarters and dealt each other with our trip round the world. The thing is, there is so much going on with each pizza that it was impossible to work out just what it was exactly you were eating. There would be a ultra sweet chillie sauce that glues your mouth up, then that would be hit back by the too rich and sugary BBQ sauce, bland chicken strides in somehow bathed in aioli. These flavours and textures mull around your mouth for a while introducing each other to the reasons they should never be mixed, then you gulp it down and stare at your dish, ground beef sat on mozzarella drenched in garlic mayonnaise and sweet chilli sauce, a hat of roast potatoes and salsa… what the fuck is going on? Its like taking a mouthful of pick ‘n’ mix and being asked to explain exactly what flavours you’re eating, what is it? What do you like about it? Should we add more bullshit or is this just the right amount? One diner described this meal as “a plain and boring woman in too much make up.” I could only describe it as “completely fucking mental”. I will never eat at this GSCE project of a restaurant again.  Rating: 2/10 Robbie

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    Fire and Stone (Oxford) - Pizza’s representing the cities of: San Sebastian, Capetown, Texas and Canberra. - £30

    On Saturday I went on a day trip to Oxford. To escape the dredge and pull of London at the weekend we boarded a train and shot out of Paddington’s arse and into the slightly overcast horizon.

    Oxfords lovely, but thats obvious. When it came to pre last train dinner time it was however a far more different situation. We had plumped to dine at  a Jamie’s Italian, but the que was down the street! So our other attempt was at Gourmet Burger Kitchen… same deal! But over the road was a rather large, rather weird looking Pizza place. On entering it feels like some sort of Belgian hostel, with zainy signage on the walls and photo stock images of “the world” pasted up here and there. After waiting 20 minutes for a seat we were told by our waitress (Victoria) that “… Fire and Stone do pizza’s with a twist!”. The blood left my face and I sat there frozen with fear. Anywhere that deems it important to describe its food as having a “twist” needs to pipe down. I really REALLY wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Then I saw a ‘specials’ menu infront of me that described one pizza as having a “gravy and mint sauce base”. Once more…..”A GRAVY AND MINT SAUCE BASE!” Oh no…

    The pizzas are categorized via continent, you can travel from Africa to Asia in but a few bites. Here’s the roll call: From Europe ‘San Sebastian’ - Mozza, spicy chorizo, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, red peppers and aoili. From Africa ‘Capetown’ - Mozza, spicy pepperoni, spicy ground beef, green chillies, basil and oregano. From Australasia ‘Canberra’ - Mozza, roast chicken, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, cherry toms, olives, crushed macadamia nuts. And finally from America ‘Texas’ - BBQ sauce, mozza, BBQ rump steak, roasted red onion, roast mushrooms, sun-dried tomato salsa.

    We divided these 4 plates of national pride into quarters and dealt each other with our trip round the world. The thing is, there is so much going on with each pizza that it was impossible to work out just what it was exactly you were eating. There would be a ultra sweet chillie sauce that glues your mouth up, then that would be hit back by the too rich and sugary BBQ sauce, bland chicken strides in somehow bathed in aioli. These flavours and textures mull around your mouth for a while introducing each other to the reasons they should never be mixed, then you gulp it down and stare at your dish, ground beef sat on mozzarella drenched in garlic mayonnaise and sweet chilli sauce, a hat of roast potatoes and salsa… what the fuck is going on? Its like taking a mouthful of pick ‘n’ mix and being asked to explain exactly what flavours you’re eating, what is it? What do you like about it? Should we add more bullshit or is this just the right amount?

    One diner described this meal as “a plain and boring woman in too much make up.” I could only describe it as “completely fucking mental”.

    I will never eat at this GSCE project of a restaurant again. 

    Rating: 2/10

    Robbie