House of Clement, Jamieson-Cook, Lindow, & Parkhill – Pancakes - £ N/A

Naturally all of us were celebrating the day when Jesus turned Mary Magdalene into a pancake, and we at TWE didn’t want to pass up the chance to do it right. To our minds, this consisted of a midweek knees-up with some friends and the Brit Awards on a big-screen TV. Despite the repeat appearances of a walking piece of roadkill they call “Ed Sheeran” or something, and a depressingly dead-eyed performance from Blur, it was a success.

Naturally there were all the best fillings, Nutella, fruit, ice-cream, ham, syrup etc etc. But the star of the show was definitely our mate Anika’s contribution: a comforting sludge comprised of mushrooms, cream, cheese and obscene quantities of elephant garlic, splatted on a pancake and topped with spinach, more cheese and pinenuts. This was totally delicious, and hit the spot big time. You have to love it when a vegetarian comes through and knocks it out of the park. Although Morgan and I still agree that you can’t beat good old lemon & sugar.

Anyway, happy Lent people, I’m going to give up tramp-wrestling.

Geoff

N/A/10

Huxtaburger (Smith St, Melbourne) - Denise ( the hot one) - $9 (6GBP)

I’ve come to realise, that all that fancy burger stuff is just a farce to make up for the lack of good quality meat and ingredients. It’s unnecessary and absurd.

What Huxtaburger put their efforts into is essential ratio control. Each and every bite gives you soft sesame glazed bun with juicy, slightly charred Wagyu-beef pattie, laced with layers of ketchup, homemade pickles, mustard and mayo. This burger is the bomb.

If your this way inclined, Denise, ‘the hot one’  is the choice to make. It’s the standard huxtaburger with jalapenos and spicy sriracha mayo. And if you want a triple treat add bacon and you’ll be patting yourself on the back for days.

10/10 

Big Al (& Tassia)

Fire and Stone (Oxford) - Pizza’s representing the cities of: San Sebastian, Capetown, Texas and Canberra. - £30

On Saturday I went on a day trip to Oxford. To escape the dredge and pull of London at the weekend we boarded a train and shot out of Paddington’s arse and into the slightly overcast horizon.

Oxfords lovely, but thats obvious. When it came to pre last train dinner time it was however a far more different situation. We had plumped to dine at  a Jamie’s Italian, but the que was down the street! So our other attempt was at Gourmet Burger Kitchen… same deal! But over the road was a rather large, rather weird looking Pizza place. On entering it feels like some sort of Belgian hostel, with zainy signage on the walls and photo stock images of “the world” pasted up here and there. After waiting 20 minutes for a seat we were told by our waitress (Victoria) that “… Fire and Stone do pizza’s with a twist!”. The blood left my face and I sat there frozen with fear. Anywhere that deems it important to describe its food as having a “twist” needs to pipe down. I really REALLY wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Then I saw a ‘specials’ menu infront of me that described one pizza as having a “gravy and mint sauce base”. Once more…..”A GRAVY AND MINT SAUCE BASE!” Oh no…

The pizzas are categorized via continent, you can travel from Africa to Asia in but a few bites. Here’s the roll call: From Europe ‘San Sebastian’ - Mozza, spicy chorizo, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, red peppers and aoili. From Africa ‘Capetown’ - Mozza, spicy pepperoni, spicy ground beef, green chillies, basil and oregano. From Australasia ‘Canberra’ - Mozza, roast chicken, garlic and rosemary roast potatoes, cherry toms, olives, crushed macadamia nuts. And finally from America ‘Texas’ - BBQ sauce, mozza, BBQ rump steak, roasted red onion, roast mushrooms, sun-dried tomato salsa.

We divided these 4 plates of national pride into quarters and dealt each other with our trip round the world. The thing is, there is so much going on with each pizza that it was impossible to work out just what it was exactly you were eating. There would be a ultra sweet chillie sauce that glues your mouth up, then that would be hit back by the too rich and sugary BBQ sauce, bland chicken strides in somehow bathed in aioli. These flavours and textures mull around your mouth for a while introducing each other to the reasons they should never be mixed, then you gulp it down and stare at your dish, ground beef sat on mozzarella drenched in garlic mayonnaise and sweet chilli sauce, a hat of roast potatoes and salsa… what the fuck is going on? Its like taking a mouthful of pick ‘n’ mix and being asked to explain exactly what flavours you’re eating, what is it? What do you like about it? Should we add more bullshit or is this just the right amount?

One diner described this meal as “a plain and boring woman in too much make up.” I could only describe it as “completely fucking mental”.

I will never eat at this GSCE project of a restaurant again. 

Rating: 2/10

Robbie

Viet Taste (Curtain Road/Shoreditch) Lemongrass Chicken Banh Mi (Baguette for the English) - £4.50

At the beginning of 2012 I kinda promised myself not to each Banh Mi again, I work across the road from Keu, a very respectable Banh Mi spot on Old Street, I ended up eating there 3 times a week, total over kill and couldn’t face another. Still I broke my promise and popped in occasionally through January but the place has gone a bit downhill so I’m never going there again. This week has been a heavy take-away eating week, fish and chips, fried chicken, Bodeans - my body isn’t happy so this lunch break I was making a b-line to Itsu. Walking down Curtain Road I spot Viet Taste who proudly display they serve Banh Mi….. fuck it i’ll check the competition. Viet Taste have not put interior at the top of their priory nor dress code, the staff look like a Ross Kemp On Gangs episode, covered in Fubu denim and G-Star - still I was called Sir, which is more than I got at Keu. Now.. the food, it was pretty basic, the bread was bigger than the bread at Keu, there fillings are greater than Keu and they undercut Keu by 50p - winner. I got it back to the office and you know what… it was rubbish! the bread was stale, the chicken dry and the garnish depressed. Should have kept my head down and smashed in Itsu.

5/10

Tickle

LA Food & Wine/El Carajo - Filletes de mignon, wine: Chilean Carmenere - Miami, Florida - £26 

So this is a fun one, a seemingly normal gas station on the US-1 road in Miami, with a seemingly normal Kwik-E-Mart style shop, all seemingly normal until you notice that the wine & beer selection is markedly above the average standard. As you move further behind the gas station checkout counter you notice there is a wine & tapas bar housed in the back. This was not made intentionally to be some gimmicky speak-easy but rather it started as a pragmatic use of available space and has since blossomed into a charming restaurant with an excellent wine selection (pleasantly surprised by a Chilean Carmenére) and tasty grub (Filet steak strips). 

8/10 

Morgan 

AC’s Icee (Coconut Grove, FL) - Large Iced Lemonade - $5

Coconut Grove is a suburb of Miami which used to be a hippy/artist settlementin the 60’s & 70’s - but it now has a GAP and Banana Republic. AC’s Icee, set up in 1973 by AC himself is the classic Ben & Jerry’s style american hippy success-story as his Frozen Lemonade Truck now sells T-shirts, Towels and Bum Bags as well as the infamous Icee’s which are just as good as you’d expect - perfect after a day out on the beach but nothing overly challenging on the taste buds. 

Rating: 7/10

Morgan 

Reyjavik – Hotdog, Hakarl

At our glorious party the other day I finally got the chance to wrap my face around the much-praised Big Apple Hotdogs, and I was wholly pleased. Big Apple know their dogs, but I really like that they have their own take on them. More please.

Having spent so much time thinking about hot dogs (I’d also consumed some at my friend’s house before the party, in the company of a sausage dog) it dragged up a beautiful food memory that I wanted to share.

I went to Reykjavik in Iceland a couple of summers ago, a brilliant place. It feels like it’s balanced on the edge of the world, subdued, sophisticated, sad, pretty. Kind of the Eva Green of modern cities. Anyway, I was pretty skint at the time and it’s no poor place for a pauper, so I tended to avoid the pricier tourist classics like whale steak and see what I could chow down on for a song.

The answer was everywhere – Icelanders are cuckoo for hotdogs. They are sold on almost every street corner, in roadside huts and garages, and even in newsagents and tobacconists. Man, are they good. They are more addictive than any other thing that’s been in my mouth. Different to the USA style hotdog, they typically consist of a thin pork and beef sausage, potato salad, raw onion, dried onion, mayonnaise and sweet mustard. I can’t describe how delicious they are, and you probably wouldn’t believe me if I did. But I still think about those hotdogs in quiet moments. 

Less successful on that trip was my attempt to eat Hakarl, which is putrefied Shark. I usually like strong flavours and don’t get squeamish over grizzly things, but this was, hands down, the worst thing I’ve eaten. It smells like extensively used urinal cakes and hatred. It tastes like when you get shampoo in your mouth by accident. The texture was like rotten apple and raw salmon in one. Yeah. Nasty Iceland! The hotdogs though.

9/10 – Dog

-10/10 – Ming piss death Shark

Geoff

Mongol Rally 2011

In July 2011 I went on a journey of a lifetime, driving from England to Mongolia. The whole trip took 6 weeks driving through Europe, Turkey, Iran, The Stans, Russia and Mongolia. It was truly a great adventure and a culinary experience. We wanted to cook as many meals as we could on our stove but also enjoy local specialities! And boy did we eat some amazing food. Here are a few delights that we sampled/made along the route…

P&O Ferries - Cornish Pasty

We started the rally at Goodwood race track and travelled along the coast to get the ferry from Dover to France. I wanted my last meal to be truly a British affair so ordered a Cornish Pasty and pint of Bass. It was incredible, didn’t touch the sides. A good consistency and ratio of meat and veg. Surprising from a Ferry meal. Washing it down with a Bass and watching the white cliffs disappear in the distance made it all that bit better and the rally becoming a reality, thinking when will be the next time I’m back in England.

7/10

Belgium - Bacon and Egg sandwich

After waking on a piece of roadside turf  somewhere in Belgium, we cracked open the gas stove and cooked up some breakfast. Mother being the good lady she is, sent us packing with a dozen eggs from her chickens (my mates are my witness that these are the best eggs known to mankind), so bacon was in order and there we had our first Bacon and Egg sandwich. It was a beauty! crispy, smoked bacon a perfectly cooked fried egg (no hard yolk here) and a smothering of bbq sauce on a good rye bread. Sunshine in a bun

8.5/10

Hungary - Hungarian Goulash 

We had been driving in the rain all morning and needed a fix, it was all motorway driving at this point so we struggled to find much and rocked up to the next service station with a food sign. This place was hidden around the back, it was a massive building. We walked up the marble staircase into an unexpectedly plush linen topped dining room, feeling totally out of place we decided to sit outside. We were the only people here and were totally sketched out by the incredible ‘roadside services’. Being in Hungary I had to have the Goulash, having never tried it before, not really knowing what it was the name had kinda put me off. I couldn’t of been gladder, it was the perfect dish for the day; meat, vegetables and beans in a rich, spiced soup with a big dollop of yogurt in it! We left feeling triumphant, surprised by the roadside quality and shocked by it’s comparison to their equivalents back home. 

9/10

Turkey - Lamb kebab

Turkey here we come! I thought of the TWE crew whilst eating this bad boy. Again another roadside service station but this time in the middle of Turkey. The location was high up in the mountains and they had outside seating looking over the valley. It was here we had our Lamb kebabs. Previously we were in Istanbul which I heard is the best place to get a kebab but I was utterly disappointed with the overpriced piece of shit I got so was very happy to see this plate of food arrive. It tasted as good as it looked, perfectly cooked, tender, well marinated meat with a real hot chilli, moist seasoned rice and fresh salad. My Turkish kebab experience was fully restored.

9/10

Iran - Fried Chicken

We entered Iran just in time for Ramadan… great! This meant most of the nation would only be eating between dawn and dusk, and a serious lack of available restaurants. Travellers and Pilgrims are thankfully exempt from this rule, and being that we were on a culinary pilgrimage, we relaxed ourselves into Iranian life. 

We filled up with Diesel and met a chap who spoke fairly good English. He excitedly invited us to lunch at his father’s restaurant. We were delighted to find out it was a fried chicken joint, that’s fried chicken and only fried chicken! As our starving white asses entered the hall, heads turned and speech stopped. We couldn’t let this distract us from our feed though. There are about 6 of these fine establishments in Iran and all owned by the family. 

The bird arrived with a plate of rice, bread and special homemade juicy pomegranate sauce. I had no idea what Iranian cuisine was and was surprised to get fried chicken. It was the most supreme I have been lucky enough to eat, I can’t put into words how good it was, he wouldn’t tell the recipe unfortunately but I don’t think I would give a stranger my family’s secret recipe. The place was rammed so I thought it would be good but no idea it would be this good! We left with a complimentary pot of the sauce and were told to keep our wads of inflated cash in our pockets.

10/10 

Iran - Chicken and rice

We took a little detour to see Masouleh in the mountains. The family we stayed with the night before said how great it was and not to be missed. We were very hungry (and sweaty) and luckily met an Iranian family who’s  daughter spoke very good English. They were on holiday from the South so were able to eat. Most of the restaurants were closed but they knew one that was open, they weren’t able to eat with us but helped us with our order. They had fried chicken on the menu, so I was in! But unfortunately the description was lost in translation and there was nothing fried about this chuck. It was however very good but nothing too special, the chicken was a bit dry and the sauce was bland but the rice was incredible, it was covered with dried cranberries and pomegranate.

6/10

Mongolia

The Mongolians eat what they have, which for the most part is Yak, Mutton and more Yak. And the most basic way to cook this is to boil it. Being a baron landscape, there is a serious lack of vegetables. To a Western palette this was harsh, unappealing and so pungent in smell it was enough to put a weak man off eating for life. Between the towns (which were around 300 miles apart, over rough terrain) there was nowhere to eat but the Ambulance (Our trusty steed). Luckily we had a vast amount of supplies left so we mostly cooked ourselves. Not being ones to reject the local cuisine entirely, we instead indulged ourselves in the vodka that flows like water, chased down with a copious amount of crunchy Gerkins. Yummmmm.

What we learnt
– Iran homes best kebabs and fried chicken 
– Gherkins and Melon are perfect chasers for Vodka
– Always have Tabasco/ or hot sauce close to hand
– Its beneficial to accept food from strangers
– Too much meat and no veg is not good for your bowels.

Big Al and the Smoke me a kipper crew. 

10/10

Fernandez and Wells (Somerset House) - Focaccia of Serrano ham, Manchego cheese, rocket and Aioli. Flat White - £8.35

We visited Somerset House recently for a rather important meeting and afterwards relaxed and enjoyed ourselves in the plush surrounds of Fernandez and Wells. The Somerset House site in directly next door to the inland revenue, and you will be happy to know that a member of the HMRC was sat in the corner of the cafe in tears. What a genuine delight.

Yes it is over priced. Completely. But the sparse yet tasteful space was a treat to be in. Legs of ham hung from the walls and simplicity reigned regarding tables and chairs. Our sandwiches were toasted and brought over. The focaccia was ideally crisp with a salty edge that made I my mouth tremble. The cheese crumbled into a smooth lava and sat wonderfully with the aioli. The aforementioned was probably the only negative being rammed full of garlic. But it all added to the taste once combined with the peppery rocket and the thin slices of morish serrano ham. It was a demon to part with £5.75 for the sarnie, but it delivered on flavour and enjoyment, so therefore evened out. 

The coffee was pretty good to, perhaps a little bland. But you can’t win them all. The one thing that was annoying was the alternative names for coffees. A “mini” is a macchiato and a “stumpy” is a flat white, this was really quite unnecessary. Perhaps the coffee menu should take a leaf out of the interiors book and not over complicate a beautiful thing. Other than that its a winner, but a pricey one.

Rating: 7.7/10

Robbie

Homemade (Dalston) - Summer berry pancake stack - £N/A

These were based upon the Peyton and Byrne recipe for drop scones, or scotch pancakes if you’re not a complete prannock. The batter is a bit of a pig to make, not your simple standard eggs etc, but it was well worth the effort. We heated up some frozen berries and drooled them on top, also bollocked on was some creme fraiche to ease the tartness. It all worked and was a flipping well great lunch. I didn’t make them, the mrs did. I just stood in the doorway peaking in like some sort of desperate rat.

Rating: 8/10

Robbie

Carluccio’s (Islington) - Chicken Liver Salad - £7

If there’s one thing that Carluccio’s can definitely boast about, its that they have the worst service of almost any restaurant i’ve ever visited. The “staff” sort of shrug you towards a seat and then assume that you’ve brought your own food and so are happy to feed yourselves.

After a good 10 minutes we hailed over a very distressed looking waitress and asked her for menus. She huffed and 2 minutes later we had them slapped down on our dirty table. She cleaned the table and simply said “Drinks?”. Fresh orange juice and fresh lemonade were ordered and came kind of soon after. Both drinks were actually pretty tasty and hit the spot. We ordered salads.

The mrs had mozzarella and tomato. It was honestly quite pathetic. 3 thin slices of tomato and a similar portion of mozza, the technical term for this sizing is: “Weak”. Say it with me… Weak. My plate of chicken liver salad was ok. The livers were irony and warm, they had a smooth texture with a little bite. The pine nuts were an enjoyable accompaniment and set well against the rocket and dressing. The croutons were just disgusting, stale chewy bread. No flavour and added absolutely nothing to the meal. 

It was a disappointing experience. That big fat bastard better enjoy my £7.

Rating: 3/10

Robbie

Last Sunday saw our nearest and dearests head out in the cold harsh winter night to help celebrate the Things We’ve Eaten 1st Birthday. It was held at The Ridley Road Market Bar, an extra big thank you has to go out to Kerry for having us, your bar is amazing and perfect. Secondly a massive thank you to Nick and Ali (Two Ting) for putting together one of the most considered DJ sets of the evening. Kim and Pia (NTS) for doing what they do best - bringing the party and getting every girl in the room moving. Big up Morgan and Duggings for keeping the music going all night. Two huge shout outs to Big Apple Hot Dogs and Hoxton Beach Falafel for providing the food all night, it was amazing and last but by no means least Dewbien for making the incredible pizza cake you can see above - that cake was sweet bruv not some savory ting.

Thanks to everyone that came down and for reading the blog, you guys are all legends.

The Royal China Club (Baker St) - Clam & Mushroom soup, lobster two ways, Peking duck, hot & sour prawns, spiced chicken, braised plaice, duck pancakes, scallops, beef, etc - £ ???

The other night some friends and I braved the completely nutty frosts to check out Annie Morris’ private view at Pertwee Anderson & Gold in Soho. As is usual in these situations, there was a lot of red wine drinking and so eventually our stomachs started growling. The general consensus was a trip to Tokyo Diner, so we broke off from the crowd temporarily to nip around the corner for some refined, healthy food at a standard befitting of its cult status among Japan-o-philes.

However, that’s another story for another time - after that meal, it transpired that the artist contingent of the evening fancied a lavish celebratory meal themselves – so we were whisked off in a taxi for a late night feast at the Royal China Club. This is the bigger sister of The Royal China, and despite not being an actual club, it had the exclusive air of the kind of place Bruce Wayne would get his noodles ‘n’ rice. It’s said to be the only Chinese restaurant in the UK to be awarded a Michelin star.

What ensued was not just a greedy exercise in “second breeeekfast” but nothing less than a wonder-binge of shock and delight. Super-friendly waitresses constantly poured wine, and bowls of the most amazing clam and mushroom soup were served up swiftly to get the appetite going. It was clean, sea-flavoured and deeply satisfying. I’ve never had soup like that in a Chinese restaurant. So good. After that, plates kept arriving and we were feeling slightly out of our depth, as well as decidedly drunk and awestruck by the quality of the food. Little pieces of fried chicken with spices not of this world and tiny, nuclear-hot dried chillies, the most perfect, addictive Peking duck I ever tasted – grease-free, delicate and juicy, without being overwhelmingly gamey. Then came the lobster, plucked fresh from the tanks that surrounded us and served steamed with its shell and also deep-fried (which was essentially a regal version of the spicy squid we at TWE have such a boner for). Things become a bit blurry after that, but I remember the waiter assembling duck pancakes at our table and plonking them on top of our plates as we continued drinking. There were gigantic, tender prawns in a sour chilli sauce, virginal braised plaice (excellent also) and I definitely recall some sort of beef making an appearance.

Not used to such lavish experiences, I was totally overwhelmed, not least because it was quite simply the best Chinese food I’ll probably ever eat. I’m actually still grieving that it’s over now. If you ever get the chance to experience this, jump at it, because it’s SERIOUS.

10/10

Geoff

*cheers helloanika for the pictures!*

A huge thank you to all the snow stompers and Sunday party crew. You guys made it. Lots of photos of the party online soon.

(L > R: Martin, Robbie, Tickle, Brett, Duggins, Morgan, David, Geoff)

Biddys Burger Bar (Station Road, Taunton) - Half Pounder Cheeseburger, Fries, Vanilla Milkshake - Approx £10 on a split bill

Eating in Biddys Burger Bar felt like an episode of Quantum Leap. It is furnished with the sort of atomic retro wonders that would fetch a killing on ebay and could get the entire population of Broadway Market rioting over lampshades. I get the distinct impression, however, that these furnishings have always been at Biddys, from when they were fashionable to when they are fashionable again, with the really unfashionable bit in between. 

In fact, everything about Biddys was pretty old school. From laminated menus to that really easy to bend cutlery. When the ATP residents all checked out at 10am and then went to Taunton to await their trains, inevitably, Biddys became packed with burnt out humans. The staff seemed to struggle with this influx of custom and the waitress was very aggressive and reticent. There was even a heated exchange between staff members about a lack of knife and fork which all resulted in a pretty uneasy atmosphere. 

I went big and ordered the Half Pounder Burger which had that strange, slightly gelatinous quality that you get from burger vans at car boot sales etc. It was tasty in a cheap burger kind of way but I think most of this came from the grill surface as the meat was low grade with the occasional upsetting sharp bit in it. Lips and arseholes I presume. It did come with at least four slices of cheese and was served in a nice soft floury bap which was pleasing. It was only when half way through the half pounder that I realised that it actually did come with lettuce inside. The lettuce was shredded and secreted between the two patties and as a layer at the bottom but had obviously been obliterated but the molten hot grease from the burger. To be honest, it really didn’t need to be there and the whole dish came with a load of salad (complete with shrivelled cucumber) that could have been deployed inside the burger if I had wished it. The Fries were nice and crisp and dry for which I was grateful. 

The milkshake came from one of those old, big white units that you see around and carried an awesome ‘fresh milk’ sign with some neon colours on it. I think that is what sold me and it went down well, but was ultimately just milk and syrup.

I don’t want to be too down on Biddys as I actually really enjoyed my experience there and knew what I was getting into. But the burger was awful really. I can’t hide it and after having the Tom Selleck at Lucky Chip.. well, enough said.

Rating: 4/10

Decor: 9/10  

David